Leaving the salon

I finally did it, guys! I gave my notice at the salon and will quit doing hair (at least for the time being) at the end of March.

I’ve waffled back and forth on this for, oh, the last 3 years. Many of my friends and family and fellow stylists have listened and commiserated and advised and consulted me over these past few years – and I appreciate all of that, from all of you.

Ultimately, I could never come to a decision, which seems like an odd catalyst for change, but it was exactly that paralysis that led me to finally make at least one decision: that I would step back from hair for now, if only to get enough distance and space to be able to effectively reevaluate my career path (and, honestly, life, in general).

Since 2010 I’ve mostly been “working full-time and…” Working full-time and going to school, working full-time at one job and part-time at another, then briefly taking on a third job (!), then back to “just” two. Mama’s tired. And over time, why I was doing this has become a mystery to me. At first, schooling was the reason – becoming a stylist was the reason. Then pure circumstance was the reason – the shop closed, I got divorced, I needed to make more money. Briefly, ambition was the reason – curiosity and searching were the reason during my apprenticeship with a master colorist. And then slowly the reason just became “because this is what I have been doing for years” – I was on auto-pilot and I realized that’s not really a reason worthy of my time, energy, and attention, especially since doing this work has left me with zero extra time, energy, and attention to devote to figuring out what work might actually be worth it to me.

So, here I am. I don’t hate doing hair, I didn’t dislike my clients or my set-up (although there are things I would do differently, if I go back to doing hair – namely I would likely set up shop closer to home). I don’t love my day-job. I don’t mean to knock it, I don’t hate it either, I like it – I just mean, it’s not like loving my day-job was why I am quitting doing hair. That has been hard for me, not feeling like I have a good enough “reason” to quit – not being able to tell my clients, “oh, I’m moving to Europe” or “taking a great, new opportunity” or just something, anything cool and exciting. But sometimes you just need to take a beat, to press pause. And I’m learning to be okay with that, as I go along. I’ve been grateful to my clients, who, for the most part, totally get it.

One thing that stopped me from making any decision, for years, has been fear of what would meet me on the other side of it – basically, fear of uncertainty and a dislike of not knowing what’s coming next, of not having a plan in mind. What has been a great surprise, actually landing here, is that I’m not scared by what I don’t know – I’m exhilarated by it. All I see in front of me now are endless possibilities and it’s felt so freeing to be here. I want to hold on to this feeling forever, but I know it will be fleeting, so I am trying to just soak it in while I can. For now, the only planning I’m doing is planning on enjoying my evenings off and my full two-day weekends. I’m planning on having the mental space to plan again in future, haha. You guys will be the first to know what I’m up to, if and when it leads me somewhere new.

Thank you, again, to all my clients and friends, to my family, and to my partner, Kendall, (especially) for seeing me through it all.